Frogs, frogs and more frogs – Ewww!!!
That seems to be my life here lately, especially after all the storms we have faced. It would appear the frogs were displaced and found their sanctuary in my yard, on my window sills, and around the screen enclosure.
As you will soon find out, I am not a fan of the green, brown, multi-colored, doesn’t matter what color they are, frogs. Sorry, they are not even close to my favorite small animal.
I’m about to share one of my biggest fears with you. Ready???
Frogs. Yes, frogs. Not as in “Fully Rely on God” frogs, which we should do, but frogs – slimy, disgusting, gross, creepy crawly, everywhere, all over my house (yes) frogs.
I absolutely have a phobia of frogs and those who have known me a long time, know my famous stories about frogs being in my home. Honestly, I was a few shy seconds from calling 911 and being carted away to the cardiac care unit – it’s that serious of a phobia. I have had this phobia for many years and I am slightly, like millisecond slightly, better than a year ago, so as Beth Moore would say, I am making progress.
So, considering my worst fears are frog related, here’s my “and if” scenario:
“And if a frog is sitting on my window sill,” God said, “Tell me what’s the worst thing that could happen, Jeanette?”
“Well Lord, it could sit up and look at me.”
God said, “Then what? What’s the next worst thing?”
“He could jump on my face!!!!!!”
God said, “Ok then what?”
“What do you mean, then what? Well of course when he hops ON ME because he will instead of hopping AWAY FROM ME, he will feel slimy and nasty!!!”
God said, “Ok then what?”
“He will pee on my face of course because HE WILL JUMP ON MY FACE!!”
God said, “Then what would happen?”
“Well then, of course, I’d scream like a girl! Oh wait, I am a girl! Fitting isn’t it?”
God said, “Then what would happen?”
“I’d fall down on the ground and pass out from hitting my head.”
“Then what would happen?”
“He’d hop off from the impact of me hitting the ground.”
“Then what would happen?”
“Well, hopefully, my daughter or someone heard me scream, see me passed out and they’d call 911.”
“Then what?”
“Well, hopefully, I didn’t break any bones from the fall or fall in dog doo.”
“Yes, continue, what’s the worst thing because you’re digging deep here.”
“Well, 911 would come and hopefully they wouldn’t laugh at me.”
“Yes.”
“And well, maybe the guy who waited on me was cute. After all, I just took one on the head for a frog. I read somewhere frogs turn into princes. Oh wait, I will definitely leave the part out about kissing the frog – THAT’S NOT HAPPENING especially because he peed on my face and Lord you know they pee as soon as they get nervous.”
“Yes, I know. Then what’s the worst thing that happens?”
“Well, they put me on a gurney and take me to the hospital!”
“Yes and then what?”
“Well, of course, I lay there for hours, because after all, I took a fall over a frog jumping on my face. And peeing, let’s not forget the urine.”
“Then what?”
“I have to pay a $100 co-pay because of the stupid frog. Sorry, I said stupid.”
“I forgive you, then what?”
“They clean the frog urine off my face, sanitize it and give me a tetanus shot because I can’t tell them if the frog urine got in my eyes, nose or mouth. Now I’m really screaming.”
“Jeanette, really all this over my creatures sitting on your window sill looking for food?”
“Lord you gave them the ability to jump and they know how much I dislike them! In fact, well, I despise them. Sorry, I have anger in my heart.”
“Really? You don’t say. Jeanette, what’s the worst thing that could happen?”
“To me or the frogs? The worst thing for the frogs would be you exterminate every one of them. Pharaoh’s days are over I think. Any chance?”
“Jeanette, they come in all colors and are cute.”
“Yes, especially on t-shirts and postcards. That’s how I like them, flat and fake.”
“Jeanette, do you love me?”
“You know I do Lord.”
“Then feed my frogs.”
“Oh, I know where this is going. I read this somewhere. The answer is yes and yes, but I can’t care for those nasty frogs. I’ll feed snakes, spiders, lizards and such.”
“What’s the worst that would happen, Jeanette?”
“I pretty much covered that already Lord. The frog landing on my face is my biggest fear.
Lord, I fear that severely. And if a frog jumps on my face, then God keep me from freaking out, hitting the ground, passing out, going to the hospital and paying a co-pay all to come home and find same said frog back on the same window sill telling all his friends, ”Here she comes….wait for it……wait for it……”
And so there you have it folks and if you think I’m not serious, think again. It’s the real deal with me. Someday, I will share my story of what happened when a frog decided to be the tidy bowl man in my house! OH, MY GOODNESS!!!! Someone get the bleach quick!!!!
Relieved from frogs for now,
Jeanette Duby
#bridgetograce #grace #amazon #hurricaneirma #frogs
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